I’m not a jealous single person, nor a raging, die-hard anti-romanticist. I have observed something alarming.
You scroll down your facebook feed and you see the three (perhaps) most distinct kinds of post:
One – that viral video that will be featured on the Yahoo! News slide in a few hours. New Frozen’s “Let It Go” cover? Posted by three friends, shared by two others. That new Jimmy Kimmel stint? Done deal, with two thousand likes already in the first two minutes. But still, you like, you share, and you get liked.
Two – those never ending instagram posts of food, ootd’s, sunsets and sunrises, sceneries, more food, and then selfies. Seriously, these posts are like the red blood cells of social media, and without them… arguably, we would be having a more intimate physical human relationship.
Then here’s three, which is the reason why I was compelled to analyze this dilemma on a Friday night, — those annoying posts about relationships. How your baby bought you this, how honey matched outfits with you, and how your “bhae” is so annoying so you put eighty thousand hashtags why s/he is still awesome.
And then it hit me – social media, much to our surprise, has indeed transformed how we view our relationships, and how other people view ours. Whether romantically or not, there is a problem here. And yes, it is a problem even if seventy-four people tapped on your picture twice just so you’d tap theirs twice.
DID YOU REALLY JUST POST THAT?
I have observed how far couples would go just to share their “couple moments.” People need to slow the fuck down – for real. The only people who care about how you matched with your bhae are those who are bored with their smartphones and got nothing to do than tap twice on their oily screens. It’s not really an “lol” moment when your baby gets annoying, or when your honey irritates you but you, for some highly intellectual and logica reasons, find it cute and insanely adorable. You caught baby in the bathroom taking number 2? OMG, it’s so worth the status and you may have to post a video of it on Vine! OMFG, baby-boo bought you designer bags and overpriced candies because you were mad at him? #madasfuck #lovehim #heneverceasestoamazeme #bestbfever
It’s annoying, irritating, and completely unnecessary – especially when it happens on a regular basis.
But isn’t that the point of social media, some of you might say. Yes, we can share and reconnect with people we love and people we care about, but not on a regular basis and the most random of things. But if these people you “share” it with are the ones ending up seeing what you post personally, then what’s the point? For likes? Which brings me to…
SOCIAL MEDIA – THE BATTLE GROUND OF BRAGGING AND BULLSHITTING
#hashtagforever
#ilovehimso
#oneandonly
Says one bitch who is so inlove with her new hubby for three months. What’s sort of iffy in the picture? This bitch was in a three-year relationship before this new guy of hers. Woman! Really?
One of the things I noticed is how people seem to utilize social media to exceedingly expose their “happy” couple life. Your “friends” are happy to see these kind of things, but eighty pictures, and over labeling of “forever” and “together” seem a little too desperate. It’s not our fault that “finding the one” is perhaps the biggest goal in your life (say before a bachelor’s degree or a decent, steady job) and if your real intention is to make other people envious of your relationship, then you need help. Three hundred pictures of you and your boo is not love – it’s either your have a bad connection that you have posted photos repeatedly, or, probably, you are just a cam whore (which includes graphics-, filter-, and blur- bombardment). We do not need everyday post of how your relationship status is – as your social media “friend,” we are more concerned how far is this new “selfie with boo” is to the next “new relationship” update.
Social Media has also become a way for “exes” to get back at their “exes.” They show off how happy they are with their new-found love – with hopes that poor ex will see it, and realize your true worth. The level of bullshitting has also gone catfish level: people pretending to have found someone (magically from photoshop or just pure imaginative status). It has become this playfield of childishness and immaturity. For some reasons, our human instinct has given us this urgency to POST TO THE WORLD how in love we are, and how cute it is to be. It’s easy to post pictures and share posts – but it’s difficult to prove our true intentions with what we call “relationships.”
IT HAS SUCKED OUT A LEVEL OF INTIMACY
How long does it take to take a selfie with baby? And editing it in Pic Stitch? And choosing the layout, and then the format? And then cropping it out. Then choosing the right filter. And of course, hashtags. Or that famous quote by this mainstream author of teen romance novels. Or both. OMG, perf!
Isn’t taking pictures distracting? It seems that we’ve never learned from IG-ing food, and how it has pulled us out from the majority of social interaction. It is disappointing and frustrating that for some couple the most important thing they think of when they’re sharing intimate and special moments is by taking pictures for social media purposes. It sucks out the romance, the realness, and makes us wonder if you really are in the moment of what you are showing.
Before you trash me, let me share a personal experience. I was in a two-year serious relationship with my partner, and never once in my social media history have posted anything romantic and intimate about us. When I was in New York in time of our two year anniversary, my partner took me to Sag Harbor – surprised me with the interesting Whaling Museum, and toured me to the last place of residence of John Steinbeck, one of my most influential moments.
Being a social media freak that I am, I had the urgency to take pictures – to share on facebook or IG or Vine – but I decided not to. It was a decision that I would never forget, and would never, ever regret. I enjoyed the real and the ‘human’ moments we’ve had together. It may be a personal preference, but such memory is better written or shared orally than being interpreted by a picture in my phone, on the internet.
I don’t want to scroll down my page just to remember it – I want to remember it because I felt it when it was happening, and I felt all of it. Every. Single. Moment.
Just thinking about it brings me back the feelings of true joy and inexplicable happiness – such feelings a square picture with hundreds of likes could never portray.
WHERE ARE WE HEADED
Just sinking in the moment of reality and intimacy is especially rare nowadays. Enjoying the moment you and your partner are in, without the distraction to attract attention or even the distraction of the presence of others, should be thoroughly enjoyed – just you, and your partner.
A lot of young couple do not understand this because it’s what’s in the mainstream. Sex tapes, reality shows, scandalous tabloids… all are driving powers of social norms and expectations that make us rethink what an ideal relationship. Unfortunately, the ideal relationship is the one that isn’t captured in camera, or phone, or video.
The most successful and long-lasting relationships I have known were seen personally. A lot of them were stories shared – either told or written – by the same people who are within that relationship. The more human the source is, the more real they become. And as a listener, as an audience, it is when you see the feelings emanate from within you that you realize what is real between two people who are truly in love.
A romantic relationship is between two people – not between a couple and an audience. This is something that I think many people have forgotten, and the dumb few have overlooked (who are then followed by a dumber many). Social media was for connecting people – not exactly showing stuffs to people.
Your relationships may be none of our business, but once you post it online, attention and spotlight is on you, boys and girls. And I sure damn know that that’s what you’re looking for.
Letter-Borne Pictures 